Safe Place by Shannon Varis

This weekend I went to a seminar about addiction. I had so many interesting thoughts while listening to the lecturer and will attempt in the near future to record a few of my favorites.

He talked a lot about brain development and how it relates to addiction. One sub-point was that in the first year of life the brain decides if the world is safe or dangerous. A child learns to relate to others as secure, anxious or avoidant.

A child that has warmth, love and security in the first year of life will approach people securely. A child who has emotionally inconsistent experiences as a baby will be anxious in relationships---always unsure if people are safe or dangerous or feeling they have to "do something" for love and attention. A child who experiences abuse in the first year of life will develop an "avoidant" response to human interaction. This is where we see attachment disorders. Addiction can actually start in early brain development.

Immediately I thought about which I could relate to? It was a no-brainer to identify with security--my parents, hands down, have always been AMAZING at providing a very stable emotional environment for us.

But then I began to think about my church experiences and how in that 'family' I related way more to the "anxious" child. How could I have a human experience of love and security but then at times in my relationship with God feel more like the "anxious" child? Where does this feeling of insecurity come from? I've definitely had God show me his amazing love at my very worst human moments, so why would there be a striving for that love? And why would I think like that if my parents who obviously don't love me as much as God showed me an awesome example of security?

I've thought about why.

As the speaker was talking about his vast experience with addicts and his own recovery, something he said struck me. Those in recovery are diverse with different addictions (food addiction, sex addiction, drug & alcohol addiction, relationship addiction etc) but all share this in common--whatever damage happened in life, happened through experience. Likewise, healing will also happen through experience.

People have to be safe and supported in order to heal---needing a "safe atmosphere" to make hard choices, take risks and rewrite areas that have been damaged.

When describing this safe place that people need he added that this "place" is not a program but a people. WE are suppose to be the safe atmosphere that people need to heal. SO, SO, SO true!

In my own life when I have experienced sincere life change it was in this sort of place, in the company of a person who could let me tell them about the things I was the most ashamed about and afterward.....still love and value me. That's when God healed me and began to reverse the damage that was done through bad choices and unfruitful thinking. We need other people in order to heal!

Why do we AVOID this? Usually it's because people have been the bad experiences, because we fear rejection or gossip, we are afraid to trust again.

I guess if there is something that I feel so passionately about it is being a safe place for people. I pray that we will take seriously being a safe place for people. Wouldn't it be great if we were part of the good experience that reversed the damage done by a bad one? That would be rad, even something worth living for.

--Shannon Varis

The Pathology of Addiction, The Wounded Heart

Shannon and I went to the most incredible Workshop/Seminar last weekend hosted by Imago Dei Community. It is called Genesis Process and has an incredible recovery rate (around 85%!!). I was fascinated and blown away by the amount of information we received. I will be attending a 4-5 day workshop that delves deeper into this information this summer. Until then I will continue to post pieces of information I learn on this subject here at Emptiness Filled. Below is an overview. I highly recommend you visit www.genesisprocess.org for more information (see link at bottom of page).

The Pathology of Addiction, The Wounded Heart
by Michael Dye

1) Childhood trauma that causes diminished ability to trust, bond, or attach (attachment disorder) shifts the brain from a normal, explorative, creative state, into a survival mode. These are the deepest heart wounds. This part of the brain (the limbic system) grows mostly in the first 18 months of life. Some researchers believe that the amount of serotonin our brain produces for the rest of our lives is determined during this period. I.e., If the world is unsafe the child needs to stay focused, or hyper vigilant (raising dopamine), through anxiety and depressing serotonin which would “let their guard down.”

2) Feeling alone, unsafe, and unfocused can cause a false or protective personality to be formed. If we can’t trust and receive gratification from others, we learn to self gratify. Addiction is self-gratification.

3) Anything that makes us feel safe and reduces stress (fear) raises neurochemical levels in the limbic system, causing the brain to associate it with survival, feeling normal. This is called the Reward Cascade. This part of the brain creates a craving to repeat the behavior because it’s associated with survival. The behavior can become difficult or impossible to say no to. The more it is reinforced, the more ingrained it becomes, resulting in a loss of control, thus an addiction. This is, “Why we do the very thing we don’t want to do.” Romans 7. The limbic system can equate painful or fearful emotions with death (the ability to cope and survive) and create a focused attention (craving) for what we did in the past to survive. The limbic system has a memory system that records experiences that have to do with pleasure and reward and fear and pain. It is these reactive emotions that drive much of our behavior. This addictive/reactive memory system is programmed through experiences and needs to be reprogrammed through new and opposite experiences. It doesn’t respond very well to words. This is why effective recovery treatment needs to be experiential. The damage happened through relationships and the healing must also be through relationships, both with God and people. The bottom line is:

Recovery is learning to trust again.

Safe Therapy

One way this translates to treatment is that our “survival brain” will resist making changes associated with real or imagined fears, unless there is a measure of safety. Facing fears (conscious or unconscious) alone is not safe. This is why so many clients get stuck in treatment It is very difficult to take risks, which is usually involved with change when we’re alone. Being isolated from God and people is characteristic of most clients with compulsive addictive behaviors. Clients must feel safe, supported and encouraged to be able to face the issues and fears that are driving their destructive coping behaviors. Trying to control self-destructive behavior without dealing with the underlying issues (pain / fear) can be an exercise in futility and relapse. They usually just find a new way to cope, trading one addiction for another.

The Bottom Line

If you want to change destructive behaviors and emotions you must change the “heart.”

The limbic system (the heart) is negatively programmed through painful experiences with people we trusted, especially in our formative years. Not trusting and bonding with others leads to fear, anxiety, loneliness, isolation, and self-gratification. Since it is programmed through experiences it must be healed through opposite experiences.

© Michael Dye 2008