Safe Place by Shannon Varis

This weekend I went to a seminar about addiction. I had so many interesting thoughts while listening to the lecturer and will attempt in the near future to record a few of my favorites.

He talked a lot about brain development and how it relates to addiction. One sub-point was that in the first year of life the brain decides if the world is safe or dangerous. A child learns to relate to others as secure, anxious or avoidant.

A child that has warmth, love and security in the first year of life will approach people securely. A child who has emotionally inconsistent experiences as a baby will be anxious in relationships---always unsure if people are safe or dangerous or feeling they have to "do something" for love and attention. A child who experiences abuse in the first year of life will develop an "avoidant" response to human interaction. This is where we see attachment disorders. Addiction can actually start in early brain development.

Immediately I thought about which I could relate to? It was a no-brainer to identify with security--my parents, hands down, have always been AMAZING at providing a very stable emotional environment for us.

But then I began to think about my church experiences and how in that 'family' I related way more to the "anxious" child. How could I have a human experience of love and security but then at times in my relationship with God feel more like the "anxious" child? Where does this feeling of insecurity come from? I've definitely had God show me his amazing love at my very worst human moments, so why would there be a striving for that love? And why would I think like that if my parents who obviously don't love me as much as God showed me an awesome example of security?

I've thought about why.

As the speaker was talking about his vast experience with addicts and his own recovery, something he said struck me. Those in recovery are diverse with different addictions (food addiction, sex addiction, drug & alcohol addiction, relationship addiction etc) but all share this in common--whatever damage happened in life, happened through experience. Likewise, healing will also happen through experience.

People have to be safe and supported in order to heal---needing a "safe atmosphere" to make hard choices, take risks and rewrite areas that have been damaged.

When describing this safe place that people need he added that this "place" is not a program but a people. WE are suppose to be the safe atmosphere that people need to heal. SO, SO, SO true!

In my own life when I have experienced sincere life change it was in this sort of place, in the company of a person who could let me tell them about the things I was the most ashamed about and afterward.....still love and value me. That's when God healed me and began to reverse the damage that was done through bad choices and unfruitful thinking. We need other people in order to heal!

Why do we AVOID this? Usually it's because people have been the bad experiences, because we fear rejection or gossip, we are afraid to trust again.

I guess if there is something that I feel so passionately about it is being a safe place for people. I pray that we will take seriously being a safe place for people. Wouldn't it be great if we were part of the good experience that reversed the damage done by a bad one? That would be rad, even something worth living for.

--Shannon Varis